Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
