So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
