i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
