Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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