it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
