mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
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