Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
