I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
