I think I am morally bankrupt
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
