Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
