Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Randomize
