I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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