Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
