I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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