If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Randomize
