I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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