I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
