I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
