I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
