sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
