do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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