I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
