highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Randomize
