I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
