So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Randomize
