I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
