I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize