i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
