Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
