I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
