Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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