What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Floor bacon is actually really good
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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