Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
