U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
