New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
