these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
