You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
