Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You pole danced in your parka.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Randomize
