how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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