At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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