When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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