just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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