He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
