Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Randomize
