Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
