You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
tonight lets celebrate not being married
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
