dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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