I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
