Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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