Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
