the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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