you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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