The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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