I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
FUCK WHALES
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
