Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
