Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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