He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i was born a porn star she said
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
He has the fingertips of a God
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