just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
fuck your aforementioned shoe
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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