I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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