i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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