I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Dear god my vagina.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
