i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
