I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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