I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
