Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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