who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'm too high and old for this...
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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