you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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