I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
