never play flip cup with pint glasses
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
is that a dick in a sweater?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
